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In Idaho the Times They Ain’t a Changin’

2015-0308.potato clockMoscow, Idaho – A small church in Moscow, Idaho is refusing to accept daylight savings time. St. Gregory of the Mogollons has taken the example of some Midwestern communities and remains on the same time schedule through out the year. However, St. Gregory’s takes it one step further by being the only organization in town that refuses to change.

“All this change is confusing for parishioners,” said St. Gregory’s priest, Fr. Peotr Rolechsovich. “How can we worship if there be changing two times a year?”

“In old country, where I come from, is there one time. Clock moves around and around. There is no interfering from people.”

When told that the time change was a way to help farmers, Fr. Peotr retorted, “What help to farmers? Is farm yard that is confused. One day farmer comes at one time, next day is different. How do hens know when to lay of eggs with all this change?”

Fr. Peotr was asked what affect the church’s refusal to follow daylight savings time had on his parishioners. He responded, “Is up to them to find worship. Worship is not of this world. Worship is of God, and God not tied to time and space.” Fr. Peotr was then reminded that Pascha was at a different date every year. He simply snorted and said, “That is different horse of color.”

When presented with the question about parishioners having to come to church in the dark because of the time difference, Fr. Peotr had a ready reply. “Church is always dark. This is Orthodox way.”

Local resident and church member Spuds Souply said that you kind of get used to the time differences. “Just like celebrating Pascha when the rest of the community has already celebrated Easter, you get used to it. It’s been this way since I was a small fry.”

As a final question, Fr. Peotr was asked if he took the same stand on leap years. “What is this leap year?” Fr. Peotr asked. When told it was a way of keeping the calendar straight, and keeps Christmas from eventually falling in July, Fr. Peotr said, “Christmas can no come in July. Is always in January. Where did you go to get learning?”

This report was originally filed by Onion Dome confused correspondent Kyle Howard on April 1, 2005.

Copyright © 2005-2015 Kyle Howard. All Rights Reserved.

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Christ is Born! Glorify Him!

2014-1224.nativity iconHappy Feast of the Nativity (aka Christmas i.e. The Divine Liturgy of Christ) to our loyal readers and you unlucky saps who were searching for something serious and wound up here by accident.

Today the virgin gives birth to the incomprehensible one,
and the earth offers a cave to the unapproachable one;
angels and shepherds glorify Him;
the wise men journey with a star;
since for our sakes is born the eternal God as a little Child.

Merry Christmas! from Alex and Brigid

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And That’s Another Reason

Reader Alexis wishes his parish were on the Old Calendar, especially when he doesn't get all his Christmas shopping done on time.Copyright © 2014 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

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Orthodox Chorister Doesn’t Like “When Augustus Ruled”

No AugustusTACOMA, Wash. – In a move that has sent shock waves through spleens north and south of the Mason-Dixon line, tenor Bob “Reader Alexiy (Alexiy the Tsarevich and Passion-Bearer (or Martyr, Depending Upon Whom You Ask))” Bridges of Holy Redirection Orthodox Church’s choir complained that he didn’t like the traditional Orthodox Christmas hymn, “When Augustus Ruled.”
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Help Is a Click Away

TelephoneAn advert rather similar to this was heard recently on Ancient Mirth Radio. The Onion Dome disavows all knowledge of its origin.

Announcer: The following is an actual Onionstar call.

SFX: phone ringing, connecting.

Operator: Hello, thank you for calling Onionstar. How may I help you?
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