An advert rather similar to this was heard recently on Ancient Mirth Radio. The Onion Dome disavows all knowledge of its origin.
Announcer: The following is an actual Onionstar call.
SFX: phone ringing, connecting.
Operator: Hello, thank you for calling Onionstar. How may I help you?
Caller: [weeping] I hope you can help me. I’m at my wit’s end.
Operator: What seems to be the problem, ma’am?
Caller: Well, I just was chrismated in the Orthodox Church, and I’m delighted to be an Orthodox Christian, but it seems like nobody in my parish has a sense of humor at all. They’re all so stiff and formal. I think I’m going to go out of my mind if I don’t laugh once in a while.
Operator: Okay, ma’am, I’m glad you called us. I think we can help you. Do you have a computer?
Operator: Okay, good. Do you have an internet connection?
Caller: Yes. This won’t cost a lot of money, will it?
Operator: No, ma’am, our services are free. Now open your browser and type in w-w-w-dot-o-n-… [fades down]
Announcer: Wherever you are when hypergravitas strikes, The Onion Dome is there to help. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, our website can put a smile on your face, and maybe even give you something to go to confession about!
Operator: [fades up] Can you see the web page now, ma’am?
Caller: Yes. I like the picture! [laughs] Ooo! That’s a funny headline! I know people at my church like that! Including myself, I’m afraid! [laughs again, louder]
Operator: So are you okay now, ma’am?
Caller: Oh yes, I am. Thank you, Onionstar! [laughs uproariously]
Operator: Glad we could help, ma’am.
SFX: Phone hanging up.
Announcer: The next time you need a lift from taking life too seriously, and especially from taking yourself as an Orthodox Christian too seriously, visit The Onion Dome. Orthodox News with a Twist.
Copyright © 2005–2014 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.