From the Choir Director to the Choir at All Saints of Kamchatka Orthodox Church
FROM: Elizabeth Blankenship
SUBJECT: No Practice This Thursday
For those of you not in church this Sunday, or not paying attention, there is no choir practice this Thursday (January 19th). We will resume normal practices on the 26th. It’s important we’re all there on the 26th. We have to learn the new Cherubic Hymn since Father thinks the one we’re using now is sucky, his word not mine.
Since I’ve got your attention, I want to bring some points to your attention, without taking up time in practice.
1. It was an interesting experiment, but when the altos sang the alleluia in the 7th tone while the rest of us were singing it in the 6th tone, it wasn’t strictly speaking liturgically correct. I’ll let you know if it’s not in the same tone as the prokeimenon.
2. When you sneeze, please turn away from the choir and sneeze into your sleeve. Grace McIntosh had to spend some time cleaning her glasses and missed her descant.
3. You all know we’ve been working on diction, and pronouncing our words very clearly. Please don’t sing with your mouth full of antidoron.
4. Please pay attention to your choir director. That’s me. We all need to start singing at the same time. We shouldn’t sound like the Beatles singing “aaah” in Twist and Shout. You teenagers ask your parents if you don’t know what I’m talking about.
5. Speaking of paying attention, can we wait until after the service to pass out the Pampered Chef products that we bought at the party last month?
6. We are not backup singers for a lead vocalist. Please try to blend. Sopranos, this means you.
7. If the tenors could decide once and for all who stands where, it would be less distracting for the rest of us. Speaking of which, the service starts at 9:00. It’s in the bulletin.
8. Since the basses can’t manage to turn the pages without fighting over it, I’m going to make an executive decision. Seraphim Palmer will be the page-turner for the basses. Nobody else will reach for it or try to get it before him. Don’t make me tell Father.
Thank you all for singing in our choir. You sounded lovely this morning, once we were all singing and all in the same tone.
Copyright © 2012 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.