Blog Archives
Even Wordier St. Basil’s Liturgy Discovered
First published September 20, 2002
ISTANBUL – In a discovery which is sure to send shock waves through shock-wave-permeable materials both north and south of the Golden Horn, an unnamed American musicologist discovered the text of an even wordier Liturgy of St. Basil this week in the basement of Hagia Sophia (Church of the Holy Wisdom, now a museum and trendy underground fish-n-chips shop). Read the rest of this entry
Tolls to Increase at Post-Mortem Tollbooths
This article first appeared in the Onion Dome on January 17, 2003
SAN FRANCISCO – In a move that has yet to be analyzed by anybody, the Archangel Gabriel announced today that tolls at the post-death tollbooths on the way to heaven will be increased soon.
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Professor Penguin Explains the Schism of 1054
Originally posted in The Onion Dome on March 26, 2004.
St. Toucan’s Orthodox Seminary and Roadside Icon Shoppe, Pennsylvania, USA – Our Onion Dome intrepid editor recently had the comparable pleasure of attending a lecture given by Professor Yeraslav Penguin, St. Gregory Palamas Professor of Liturgical History at St. Toucan’s Orthodox Seminary and Roadside Icon Shoppe. What follows is a representative sample of the exact text of Professor Penguin’s lecture, more or less, followed by a brief selection of questions from the audience with the good Professor’s answers thereunto. (Warning: any theological or historical errors in this article are strictly and solely the responsibility of Professor Penguin, and do not in any way reflect upon the beliefs, orthodoxicity, or credulity of the Onion Dome staff.)
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Meet the Orthodox Inventor
Before Lent started, your intrepid blogger was fortunate to attend Orthocon 2011, where many Orthodox vendors and speakers vended and spoke, respectively. Included were children’s books more didactic than a physics lecture; icons consisting of 72-dpi jpeg pictures downloaded from the Internet, printed on an inkjet printer, and mounted on boards made of recycled 2-liter pop bottles; and a sparsely-attended break-out session on the evolution of the toothpick in the Byzantine Empire given by Yeraslav Penguin, professor of historical liturgics at St. Toucan’s Theological Seminary and Roadside Icon Shoppe. But by far the most interesting and exciting things to your intrepid blogger were the exhibits and break-out sessions of Orthodox inventors.
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Greek Scientists Discover Ninth Tone
This article was first published in The Onion Dome on February 28, 2003.
Athens, Greece — In an exciting move literally unprecedented in Orthodox history, scientists at the University of Athens this week discovered a ninth Orthodox hymnographic tone, where only eight were believed to exist for well over a thousand years.
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