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Thank God I’m an Orthodox

John Denver as Guitar-playing Orthodox PriestA song spoof, to the tune of “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” by John Denver.

Well Orthodox life can be kinda intense
200 days of fasting don’t make no sense
And 3-hour services can give you shin splints
But thank God I’m an Orthodox

By the end of Holy Saturday my back and feet hurt
It’s been over forty days since I had dessert
And my priest is pretty masculine but wears a black skirt
Thank God I’m an Orthodox

Well I got me a prayer rope with 50 knots on it
And I know 50 words or more in Greek and Slavonic
My hatred of peanut butter’s gettin’ kinda chronic
Thank God I’m an Orthodox

Well the babas teach the converts what to do and where to stand
And they teach you when to cross yourself and how to hold your hand
And to soften candle bottoms ‘fore you stick ’em in the sand
Thank God I’m an Orthodox

(repeat Chorus (change “peanut butter’s” to “tofu is”))

Well I’ve got a hundred icons in the corner in my home
St Vladimir’s Press is on the speed dial in my phone
And skete dot com’s the homepage on my laptop’s Google Chroooooome
Woo, thank God I’m an Orthodox, yeah!

(repeat Chorus (change “tofu is” to “shrimp is”))

Copyright © 2011 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

If you like Alex Riggle’s Orthodox-themed satire, you might enjoy his recently-released book, Is Outrage!, which gathers all (but one) of the Father Vasiliy articles from the Onion Dome under one cover. But don’t take our word for it. Buy it and see for yourself!


About Your Intrepid Blogger

I live in the Tacoma area. When not writing things some people think are funny, I teach technology to 7th and 8th graders at a local middle school.

One comment on “Thank God I’m an Orthodox

  1. Bravo!! Can’t wait for he sequel to the tune of “Grandma’s Feather Bed”! 🙂

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