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Long-Bearded Priest (in a Black Dress)

Long-bearded Priest in a Black Dress(apologies to the Hollies)

Saturday night I was downtown,
Working at the IGA.
Wishin’ I could be at vespers,
Where the people stand and pray.

Chili and soups were on my left side;
I was stockin’ shelves with my buddy Mike.
I told him I’d rather be at church now,
And he said, so tell me what that is like.

A thousand different things sprang at once to my mind
But I found the words hard to find…

We’ve got a long-bearded priest in a black dress,
And our choir sings beautiful songs.
And babushkas who are gonna smack ya
If they catch you doing anything wrong.

He said it sounded kinda dangerous;
I told him you don’t know by half.
I told him ’bout the all-night vigil,
When I got a cramp in my left calf.

I said that I get faint from fasting,
And the incense gets up my nose,
But I love it when Father is blessing us,
Slopping holy water on my good clothes.

I told him that our liturgy’s a beautiful thing,
And our priest wears pectoral bling,

’Cos he’s a long-bearded priest in a black dress,
And our choir sings beautiful songs.
And those babas, they are gonna smack ya
If they think you’re doing anything wrong.

Then I told him ’bout our wonderful potlucks,
With the bowls and platters pilin’ high.
But you can’t eat ’till father’s done blessing it,
And he’s talking to some visitor outside.

Then suddenly we heard our boss coming,
So we started talkin’ ’bout the store.
But our boss said, no wait, that was interesting,
Can you tell me a just little more?

He said he saw the sticker on my back bumper chrome:
Something ’bout an Onion Dome?

Well there’s a long-bearded priest in a black dress,
And our choir sings beautiful songs.
And babushkas who are gonna smack ya
If they catch you doing anything wrong.
Anything wrong (repeat and fade).

Copyright © 2011 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

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About Your Intrepid Blogger

I live in the Tacoma area. When not writing things some people think are funny, I teach technology to 7th and 8th graders at a local middle school.

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