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Heaven Help the Orthodox Single Girl (part 2)

Dear DiaryDear Diary,

I met the most gorgeous guy in class today! His name is Drew, and he’s a dead ringer for Cary Grant. We like the same type of music, and he makes me laugh, and…

I should shut up now, shouldn’t I? I’m getting all gooey inside, and I barely know him. More tomorrow–I’ll ask Katya if she knows him. She knows all the Orthodox youth. I wonder if he’s ever been to GOYA?

Anya

*

Dear Diary,

Next time I’m this much of an idiot, slap me.

Anya

*

Dear Diary,

I have it! I’ll drop out of college and join a convent. I’ll get to work on my spiritual life, so I’ll get better at living my life in God now rather than waiting for it to start when I find a husband. I’ll stop spending so much time and money on my hair and other vanities. I’ll finally learn to pray with peace and stillness, and maybe THEN I’ll meet a miracle guy!

That’s completely the wrong motivation for becoming a nun, isn’t it?

Dang nab it.

*

Dear Diary,

Despite my motivation being beyond whacked, I’m still pondering this convent idea. I would like to make my life more spiritually-focused.

Of course, I’d also like to escape Gorgeous Drew, who has now taken to going on–at length–about how religion is the opiate of the people. I should never have asked his views. Never.

Maybe if I leave liberal-arts school and transfer to Seminary…

Anya

*

Dear Diary,

Mom gently pointed out that I’d make a terrible Matushka, so trying to find a husband among men becoming priests might not be a great idea. I’m always late to church. My mouth-filter’s half broken, so I’d offend people constantly. My theology isn’t very strong, and I can’t bake. And I can never remember the days of the week–the parishioners would be horrified every time they saw me gnawing on bacon some Wednesday morning, just ’cause I thought it was Thursday.

Why isn’t this whole marry-and-raise-a-family-in-Christ deal easier? I knew family life would be hard once it started, but nobody told me it’d be this hard to get married in the first place!

Anya

*

Dear Diary,

I finally met a new Orthodox person my age! Sasha’s fantastic. We get along great, we have some friends in common, and we have plans to hang out next week.

Of course I’m talking about a girl. But hey, I’ve been needing a new friend. We’ve been bonding over bad date stories.

Anya

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Dear Diary,

You know, having a new friend has taken some of the pressure off. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels this way, and we have a lot in common. She knows more lightbulb jokes than I do!

And it turns out Sasha knows Sadie Anderson, my best friend in middle school, and she plays on the same soccer team as my cousin Percy. I love how interrelated the Orthodox community is. Having stuff to laugh about makes me less frustrated in general. It’s been nice.

Plus, Sasha has an older brother…. Awesome.

Anya

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This post was filed by the terce reporter.

Copyright © 2010-2012 Brigid Strait. All Rights Reserved.

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About Your Intrepid Blogger

I live in the Tacoma area. When not writing things some people think are funny, I teach technology to 7th and 8th graders at a local middle school.

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