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Priest Draws Line on Coffee-Hour Political Bickering

Political FightingOriginally published October 15, 2004.*

WAKE RIVER, Ohio – Tired of the increasingly rancorous debates at coffee hour, Father Cyril (“St. Cyril the Contender”) Martin taped a white line down the center of the parish hall.

When parishioners of Sts. Boris and Gleb Orthodox Church arrived for after-Liturgy coffee and snacks Sunday, they found large signs indicating one side for the Republicans and one for the Democrats. A small table straddled the line for “Undecideds.”

“I thought it was a pretty good idea,” said Martha (“St. Martha the Domestic Economist”) Wilgrew, seated on the Democratic side. “I accidentally sat at a Republican table last week and had to hear about how stupid Obama is.”

“I accidentally sat at a Democratic table last week,” said her sister Mary (“St. Mary the Contemplative) Anderson, “and had to hear what a flip-flopper Romney is.”

“Now we can sit on opposite sides of the room,” they said together.

“So you’re not speaking until the election?” asked the rambling reporter.

“Don’t be silly,” Mary said. “We’re together all the time.”

“It’s just that this is one hour when I don’t have to hear Republican politics,” said Martha.

“Contrariwise,” said Mary.

“Nohow,” said Martha.

“Well, I think it’s stupid,” said Ted (“St.Theodosius of the Kiev Caves”) Fedorov sitting alone at the Undecideds’ table. “Especially since my wife is sitting over there.” He pointed to a dark-haired woman sitting under one of the political party signs and talking animatedly. “I thought I would stay out of trouble by staying with the Undecideds, but it’s lonely here.”

“Well, presumably you have to decide before the election anyway,” the rambling reporter said.

“Don’t remind me.” He got up to leave. “I think I’ll go join Father Cyril outside.”

*Names were changed to reflect the current election cycle.

This report was filed by Onion Dome rambling reporter Jan Bear.
Copyright © 2004-2012 Jan Bear. All Rights Reserved.


About Your Intrepid Blogger

I live in the Tacoma area. When not writing things some people think are funny, I teach technology to 7th and 8th graders at a local middle school.

One comment on “Priest Draws Line on Coffee-Hour Political Bickering

  1. I think it a good thing that Tweedlemary and Tweedlemartha get a respite from each other. I must confess my dark secret: I sometimes wish there were separate information desks at the library where I work, for Republicans and Democrats. That way I wouldn’t have to listen to the other guys’s twaddle and help them find the books that confirm their wackiness.

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