Leave a comment

August 10 Saint of the Day – Lawrence of Rome

On this day in 1948, Candid Camera made its television debut after being on radio for a year as Candid Microphone. Both of these incarnations were infinitely more popular than the prior newspaper column, Candid Typesetter.

Lawrence of Rome (by El Greco)Lawrence of Rome (d. 258) was born in Spain (in Huesca or otherwhere), where he met the then-future Pope Sixtus II, who was on a preaching tour. The two returned to Rome, and the then-future pope was made the then-present pope. Sixtus ordained Lawrence a deacon, and put him at the head of the Seven Deacons of Rome. As such he was in charge of the church’s treasury, and distributing alms to the poor.

About a year later the emperor (Valerian) issued an edict calling for the lives of all the clergy of the church. On their way to the gallows they were to give all their earthly treasure to the empire, for the upkeep of the army. As the prefect of Rome said, “Your god tells you to render unto Caesar. So start rendering.” He added a little wordplay about Jesus having words but no money – “Give us your money. You can keep the words” (asinum dolor).

Sixtus being pope and all, he was arrested in the first sweep, and gently placed in jail to await trial. Lawrence parked his token (the gridiron) on “Just Visiting” and said, “Don’t leave me, Father!” “It’s cool,” said Sixtus. “You’ll be with me in three days. Meanwhile go distribute the treasury to the poor.” Lawrence went to do his bidding, but was nabbed by an official who hear the word “treasure” and had dolor signs flash in his eyes. Lawrence was lovingly escorted to jail, where he converted many inmates, including the jailor.

He was then brought before the emperor, who said, “How’s about you just give the treasure to me?” “Give me three days, give me three days, mister,” said Lawrence. “Meet you back here.” In those three days he gave all the money and treasure to the poor, saving the Holy Grail, which he EmpExed (get it?) to his parents in Spain. (Nowadays it resides at the Cathedral of Valencia, Malory notwithstanding.) After the three days were up, the prefect demanded, “Show me the money.” Lawrence brought forth the poor, crippled, blind, suffering, and so forth, and said, “Here’s the church’s treasure. Your emperor is a piker in the wealth department compared to us, sucka.” This did not go down well.

Lawrence of Rome (Swedish church ceiling vault)Lawrence was then given over to tortures. (Some modern scholars think he was simply beheaded, and a scribal error between the Latin words for “suffered” (passus) and “roasted” (assus) led to the tale you are about to read. I’m not saying I agree or disagree with them, the wet blankets.) After being stretched on the rack, he was whipped by the fourth-century equivalent of a cat o’ nine tails (which went by the endearing name “the scorpions”). One of the soldiers witnessing this all suddenly cried out, “I see a glowing guy tending your wounds,” and fetching a sprinkling can, bade Lawrence baptize him. The soldier was then immediately beheaded, and Lawrence was affixed to a gridiron that was then suspended over a fire until it was red hot (or it was red hot when they put him on it). Through this all he didn’t so much as wince, filled as he was with the “fire of Divine love.”

After a time he told his executioners, “I think I’m done on that side. Better flip me.” After he had suffered on both sides, he said, “All cooked now. You can eat.” Then, his face bathed in a beautiful light, he prayed for the salvation of Rome and gave up his spirit.

Lawrence has since been one of the most beloved martyrs of the church, with popes outdoing one another building and enlarging churches on the site of his execution and in other parts of Rome. His relics have been scattered throughout Europe, and a reliquary containing the ashes of his head is displayed at the Vatican for veneration. It goes without saying that he is the patron saint of cooks.


Copyright © 2013 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


Bibliography

August 10 (Wikipedia)
Lawrence (Laurence) of Rome, Deacon (St. Patrick’s DC) – Main source
Martyr and Archdeacon Laurence of Rome (OCA)
Orthodox Saints commemorated in August (Abba Moses)
Lawrence of Rome (Wikipedia)
Image by El Greco from Wikimedia (Public Domain)
Image from a church ceiling in Overselo, Sweden, from Wikimedia (Public Domain)

Advertisements

About Your Intrepid Blogger

I live in the Tacoma area. When not writing things some people think are funny, I teach technology to 7th and 8th graders at a local middle school.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: