1 Comment

Help Is a Click Away

TelephoneAn advert rather similar to this was heard recently on Ancient Mirth Radio. The Onion Dome disavows all knowledge of its origin.

Announcer: The following is an actual Onionstar call.

SFX: phone ringing, connecting.

Operator: Hello, thank you for calling Onionstar. How may I help you?

Caller: [weeping] I hope you can help me. I’m at my wit’s end.

Operator: What seems to be the problem, ma’am?

Caller: Well, I just was chrismated in the Orthodox Church, and I’m delighted to be an Orthodox Christian, but it seems like nobody in my parish has a sense of humor at all. They’re all so stiff and formal. I think I’m going to go out of my mind if I don’t laugh once in a while.

Operator: Okay, ma’am, I’m glad you called us. I think we can help you. Do you have a computer?

Caller: Yes.

Operator: Okay, good. Do you have an internet connection?

Caller: Yes. This won’t cost a lot of money, will it?

Operator: No, ma’am, our services are free. Now open your browser and type in w-w-w-dot-o-n-… [fades down]

Announcer: Wherever you are when hypergravitas strikes, The Onion Dome is there to help. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, our website can put a smile on your face, and maybe even give you something to go to confession about!

Operator: [fades up] Can you see the web page now, ma’am?

Caller: Yes. I like the picture! [laughs] Ooo! That’s a funny headline! I know people at my church like that! Including myself, I’m afraid! [laughs again, louder]

Operator: So are you okay now, ma’am?

Caller: Oh yes, I am. Thank you, Onionstar! [laughs uproariously]

Operator: Glad we could help, ma’am.

SFX: Phone hanging up.

Announcer: The next time you need a lift from taking life too seriously, and especially from taking yourself as an Orthodox Christian too seriously, visit The Onion Dome. Orthodox News with a Twist.

Copyright © 2005–2016 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

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About Your Intrepid Blogger

I live in the Tacoma area. When not writing things some people think are funny, I teach technology to 7th and 8th graders at a local middle school.

One comment on “Help Is a Click Away

  1. Just found your site.

    LOVE IT!

    Glory to Jesus Christ!

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