Satire

Parishioners Exhausted after Nine-hour Agape Vespers Service

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. – Parishioners here at the multi-ethnic Church of All Saints of North America Originally from Somewhere Else were exhausted on Pascha afternoon after a 9-hour Agape Vespers service. In keeping with an ancient and widely-observed Orthodox tradition, All Saints of Somewhere Else celebrates Agape Vespers by having the gospel passage, John 20:19-25, read […]

The Paschal Canon (Facebook Style)

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Saint Invites Early, Late, and Unbelievably Tardy to Feast

A statement released from Heaven this week invites a number of unexpected guests to the Banquet. Speaking on behalf of the Host, spokesman St. John Chrysostom lists the following guests: The 14-year-old who thought he would die of fasting; the catechumen who has been checking the fine print on everything in the grocery store; the […]

Toddler’s Guide to Orthodox Parents

TACOMA — God exists outside time, therefore all times are the time to loudly raise our voice to the Lord. Parents might say that it’s not appropriate to be loud at all times, but we know better. This is why most of the liturgy is written in the present tense. Follow this guide for proper […]

New Orthodox Television Show Breaks Ratings Records

Anaxios TV, originators of such original shows as “Thirty Minutes with Father Seraphim” and “What Are You Doing Watching Television When You Could Be Praying?”, this past week announced a mid-season replacement for the flagging “Helpful Household Hints from the Phanar”: a new reality-based show teasingly titled, “Monastic Eye for the Married Guy.” The show’s […]