Satire

Letter from Choir Director Elizabeth

11 September 2016 (N.S.) Elizabeth (“the New Martyr”) Pappas, Choir Director Orthodox Church of All the Saints of North America Takhoma Park, Maryland To the faithful of the choir: Welcome back! After our light summer of only one choir practice of only 2 hours per week, we’re back to our usual winter schedule of practice […]

Tenors Strike for Higher Note Count

Takhoma Park, MD – Tenors from the church choir at tiny All Saints of North America Orthodox Church here in Takhoma Park have walked off the job, citing the lack of variety in their parts in the church music. Your intrepid editor was on the story like yellow on that saffron rice Baba Olga makes. […]

Ask Father Vasiliy

Once again Father Vasiliy Vasileivich, pastor of Saints Vladimir and Olga and Boris and Gleb Russian Orthodox Church in Sydney, Australia, and four-time winner in the Mr. Australia Lip Balm Makers World Cup, has condescended to answer a question from an Onion Dome reader. Welcome, Father Vasiliy! Dear Father Vasiliy, My girlfriend and I have […]

Toddler’s Guide to Orthodox Parents

TACOMA — God exists outside time, therefore all times are the time to loudly raise our voice to the Lord. Parents might say that it’s not appropriate to be loud at all times, but we know better. This is why most of the liturgy is written in the present tense. Follow this guide for proper […]

New Orthodox Television Show Breaks Ratings Records

Anaxios TV, originators of such original shows as “Thirty Minutes with Father Seraphim” and “What Are You Doing Watching Television When You Could Be Praying?”, this past week announced a mid-season replacement for the flagging “Helpful Household Hints from the Phanar”: a new reality-based show teasingly titled, “Monastic Eye for the Married Guy.” The show’s […]