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Dynamouse and Magnificat

Dynamouse and MagnificatDynamouse lived in the All Saints Greek Orthodox Church and ate crumbs of prosfora that people dropped during the Divine Liturgy. She didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to. This was a great way of life for Dynamouse until the new priest arrived, and caught her at it. He decided to bring his cat, Magnificat, to the church to “clean up that rodent problem,” as he said.

Thus it was that Dynamouse met Magnificat on a Sunday when all the humans were down in the basement drinking coffee. Magnificat chased Dynamouse up one side of the church and down the other, and finally caught her.

“Any last words before I eat you?” asked Magnificat.

“No, just let me prepare to die,” said Dynamouse. “If you will relax your grip a bit, I shall be able to cross myself.”

So Magnificat relaxed his grip, and Dynamouse disappeared down a hole in the baseboard.

“That won’t happen again!” said Magnificat to himself.

The next time they met was on the Feast of the Elevation of the Cross. Magnificat chased Dynamouse up one side of the church and down the other, and finally caught her.

“I’ve got you now and I’m not going to ‘relax my grip,’ so you need to prepare to die without crossing yourself,” said Magnificat.

“You can’t eat me today, it’s a strict fast day,” said Dynamouse.

“Oh, I forgot about that,” said Magnficat. “I’ll have to wait until next time.”

So he let her go, and she disappeared down a hole in the baseboard.

The next time they met was on a Sunday again. Dynamouse was wearing a necklace with a cross on it. Magnificat chased her up one side of the church and down the other, and finally caught her.

“You can’t eat me while I’m wearing a cross,” said Dynamouse. “Let me take it off.”

“Of course,” said Magnificat. But as he let her go, she disappeared down a hole in the baseboard.

“Tricked again!” sighed Magnificat.

The next time they met was on a Saturday after a baptism. Some of the holy chrism had dropped onto Dynamouse’s head when the priest was chrismating the baby. Magnificat chased her up one side of the church and down the other, and finally caught her.

“You can’t eat me with holy chrism on my head, it wouldn’t be right,” said Dynamouse.

“I suppose that’s true,” said Magnificat.

So he let her go, and she disappeared down a hole in the baseboard.

The next time they met was on Christmas Eve.

“Strict fast,” said Dynamouse.

“Sigh,” said Magnificat.

The next time they met was on Theophany. Magnificat chased Dynamouse up one side of the church and down the other, and finally caught her. Dynamouse didn’t have a cross on. It wasn’t a strict fast day. She didn’t have holy chrism on her head. And she knew better than to ask to cross herself.

“I guess you’ve got me this time,” she said. “Try and keep the crumbs cleaned up when I’m gone, will you?”

“I can’t do it,” confessed Magnificat. “I’ve had more fun catching you than I’ve ever had in my life. If I eat you, whatever will I do with my spare time? I’m going to have to let you live. As long as you promise not to move away.”

“You mean we’re like — friends?” asked Dynamouse.

“Yeah, I guess we are,” said Magnificat. So he let her go, and she disappeared down a hole in the baseboard.

But she came back in less than a minute with a necklace with a cross on it for Magnificat.

“I’ve never had a friend before — can I give you this present?”

And she put the cross around his neck.

“Thank you,” said Magnificat. “Happy feast!”

“Happy feast!” said Dynamouse.

Copyright © 1997-2014 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

11 comments on “Dynamouse and Magnificat

  1. Loved the story about dynamouse and magnicat! It should be an Othoclassic….you should write a story about Katavasia…greek cat on Mount Athos! Ha!

  2. Hmmmm…Katavasia surely sounds like a female name. On the Holy Mountain? IS OUTRAGE!

  3. I’m certain I’ve seen this scenario play out in many parishes.

  4. My late bishop lived with a cat named Magnificat (Maggie), and a tortoise named Tertullian.

  5. I love this story and would really like to share it on my own Orthodox blog. If I give full acknowledgement and include a link to The Onion Dome, do I have your permission?

  6. This needs to be illustrated as a children’s book

  7. Finally, something funny and quasi-religious which isn’t offensive. Keep them coming.

  8. Did Dynamouse fast from cheese?

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