Tag Archive | St. John Chrysostom

Saint Invites Early, Late, and Unbelievably Tardy to Feast

A statement released from Heaven this week invites a number of unexpected guests to the Banquet. Speaking on behalf of the Host, spokesman St. John Chrysostom lists the following guests: The 14-year-old who thought he would die of fasting; the catechumen who has been checking the fine print on everything in the grocery store; the […]

Tolls to Increase at Post-Mortem Tollbooths

This article first appeared in the Onion Dome on January 17, 2003 SAN FRANCISCO – In a move that has yet to be analyzed by anybody, the Archangel Gabriel announced today that tolls at the post-death tollbooths on the way to heaven will be increased soon.